*Quotes and portions from this blog are taken directly from my books: Sowing in Tears: A Mother’s Sorrow in Infertility and Joy in Adoption and Sowing in Tears 2: When Brokenness Becomes Beauty. One hundred percent of the proceeds from both books are donated directly to waiting families pursuing adoption.
We as a people carry a lot of burdens. We are held together by a lot of broken pieces. And without God, brokenness is all we’re left with. But praise God, when we walk the road with Him, our life doesn't end there. Our suffering doesn’t have to be wasted. Our tears can have purpose. Our pain can sprout beauty. God, on His throne, can be glorified. There is hope in His promise that one day He will wipe every tear from our eyes and He will make all things new.
And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” Revelation 21:5
My journey to motherhood started with an infertility diagnosis early into my marriage. I wrestled with God and tried to reason with Him. Imagine that—trying to reason with the One who formed me in my mother’s womb. The One who counts every hair on my head. The One who called me His child before I even had a name. I tried to lay out my perfect plan for motherhood (as if He didn’t already have my journey sovereignly worked out). I tried to reason my agenda (as if He didn’t already have my family, both future and present, in the palm of His mighty, omnipotent hand). And while I prayed selfishly, God blessed mercifully.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9
Through infertility, adoption, miscarriage, a disrupted adoption match, and surprise pregnancies, God continues to bless far more abundantly than I could have ever thought to pray for. Those blessings have come in the form of answered prayer exactly how I prayed and exactly how I wanted God to answer me. But those blessings have also come by way of trials I never wanted to face and heartache I never wanted to experience. Either way, I want my praise to remain: “Worthy is the Lamb who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and might and honor and glory and blessing!” (Revelation 5:12).
“I cradled my fourth child in my arms while being wheeled out of the hospital. It was the same waiting room that had once left me feeling broken. The same speaker system resounded with the same calls paging for medical staff, and the same muffled chatter echoed from friends and family pacing the floors. The same expired magazines were stacked on the end tables next to the same blue vinyl chairs. Everything looked the same, as if nothing at all had changed. And then I felt a rush of God’s favor over my life. Countless times He has walked with me. Countless times He has carried me. Through my suffering, He went before me and never once abandoned me even when my faith proved small. He took my hopes and dreams, fears and failures, and created a masterpiece I never knew I wanted, but couldn’t imagine my life without. And I realized, in that moment, that everything had changed. Maybe not the walls, or the chairs or the call signals, but everything that mattered had changed. This room once felt like a field of brokenness, but I could see now how God had been crafting beauty through all of the pain. God was continually reshaping my broken pieces to reflect His own glory.”
The message of my testimony has been how God worked through my affliction and brought praise. I have shared the story of how He transformed brokenness to beauty, infertility to fertility, sorrow to joy, and how His strength was showcased in my weakness. All of those are powerful messages in and of themselves. But the message I want to leave you, my readers, with is the most important message of all. This message has the power to transform your life from the inside out. It’s the message of redemption.
If you are walking through the pain phase of your journey right now, may I say with all sensitivity, praise God! Don’t let this time of pain be wasted. Come to the throne of grace where you can find mercy and grace for whatever you are going through. Cry out to the One who can restore you. He has a plan for your life. He knows you and He knows your purpose. The same one whose dwelling place is Heaven is reaching down to comfort you! When no one else sees your tears, He wipes away each one that falls. When you feel like you have gone too far astray and can’t possibly be loved by anyone, let alone a Holy God, He welcomes you to a seat at his table. You are never too far gone for God’s mercy to reach out and pull you in.
Friend, whatever you are facing right now, run to Christ. He has not turned His back on you. He hasn’t placed you to the side to focus His attention on someone more “put together.” He sees you exactly where you are, in all your filth, in all your pain, and in all your rags. But He doesn’t see the filth. He sees beauty. He doesn’t see the pain. He sees redemption’s blood shed on the cross. He doesn’t see the rags. He sees Christ’s finished work on the cross for those who believe in His saving grace. You can come as you are with the confidence that God is already at work turning your brokenness into beauty.
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