I found myself sitting in front of my computer face to face with disappointment earlier this year. How could it be that something I had been praying about for so long was left unanswered? I was angry with God and confused as to how this “no” could be part of His plan for my life.
I was supposed to be going to graduate school. I was supposed to walk across the stage at graduation with excitement for this next season. I knew this career was one the Lord had placed on my heart from a young age, yet I found myself sitting in the despair of not being accepted to a graduate program. I’ll be the first to admit I didn’t immediately run to God when things got tough. I sat with this no, and I wanted to run far from the Lord because I knew He had the ability to give me this gift, yet He didn’t. I was angry, and when I should have turned to the Lord to say, “okay, what’s next?” I shut Him out.
As I tried my best to silence His voice, the verse He had placed on my heart before my rejection kept nagging me.
“6 But when you pray, go into your private room, shut your door, and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you. –8 Don’t be like them, because your Father knows the things you need before you ask him.” Matthew 6:6-8 CSB
When I first read this verse while praying over graduate school acceptances I thought it was reassurance that if I continued to go to the Father in prayer, if I continued to ask him for what it was I wanted, He would give them to me. But, the Lord wasn’t promising He would give me what I wanted, He promised He would give me what I needed. I wrestled with this a lot because I wondered, how could not getting into graduate school be what I needed? How could this be better?
The Lord doesn’t always give us an answer right away, but there are some things we can do when God closes a door in our lives. These things help us to walk through the valley, and look ahead to what God will do with this “not yet”.
What do we do when God closes a door we thought was for us?
We trust that He knows what we need.
We continue to believe He is working all things for our good.
We never stop praying for Him to send us where we’re needed.
The first thing that helped me navigate this closed door in my life was to rest on Matthew 6:8 which reassured me that the Lord does know what I need. When I began to truly trust that He knew better than me it became easier for me to get excited for what was next. What I had imagined for my life wouldn’t even compare to what I knew the Father would create.
Ephesians 3:20 says, “God can do anything you know – far more than you could ever imagine or guess, or request in your wildest dreams (MSG).” I had been asking for acceptance to graduate school, but the Lord knew what I needed. He knew what I needed was beyond what I even knew to ask for.
Secondly, I chose to believe that despite how not good being rejected felt, the Lord was working it all for His good. Not only did I rest in the fact that the Lord was working for my good, but He also sees His work to completion. I knew He wasn’t finished yet.
“I am sure of this, that he who started a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6
When the Lord chose to make himself known to me, He began a good work in me and He will see it to the end. So I said, “Okay Lord, send me where you need me.” Not getting into graduate school wasn’t the end. The Lord wasn’t keeping something from me, He was preparing something better for me. He knew what I needed. He was working all things for my good. He was smiling because He knew His plan for my life was far better than I could have imagined.
I decided to keep praying, not that He would give me what I wanted, but that He would send me where I was needed. I’ll spoil the story for you, God keeps His promises. Faced with rejection, I applied to jobs all across the country. It was scary to open my heart to so many places outside of my comfort zone, but I asked the Lord to open the right doors, and He led me to Dallas, TX.
I know this next season will be scary, but just as Ephesians 3:20 describes, the Lord blessed me with something I never even knew was possible. I have the opportunity to work for an extraordinary hospital with a mentorship program designed to help students get into graduate school. I will be shadowing people in the exact field I’m interested in. I have family and a christian community already waiting for me in Dallas. I couldn’t have known to ask for this, but I know this is exactly what I needed.
Trust Him with your next season. Trust Him with your “not yet”. Trust Him to bring more than you could ever imagine. Pray fervently for what you need and be willing to accept when what you need isn’t always what you want.
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