It was the summer before I went off to Liberty University for my first semester of college. To say I was EXCITED would be an understatement. I had been visiting Liberty for the last 3 years in preparation for this moment. The very first time I went for a long weekend there, God solidified in my heart that this would be the place I would receive my college education from. Back track with me for a moment...God began a great work in my heart at the age of 14 when He opened a door for me to begin leading Worship for our youth group. I had no clue at the time the calling He had on my life, but it definitely was something I was excited about and that stirred up the desire to go deeper in my relationship with the Lord.
“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.”
(Proverbs 16:9 ESV)
In those four years of leading Worship in high school, God did a great work and made it very clear that this would be a large part of my future. So in my natural human way, I began to plan, to search, to see what was offered, as I tried to fumble my way through this calling I knew God had placed on my heart. Here is the part of the story where my plans started to get in the way of God’s.
Liberty had an incredible Worship department which naturally seemed like the right way to go-which only fueled my excitement. I mean, God placed this calling on my life, He lined up this incredible school, and they have a department solely devoted to Worship majors...how could I possibly be getting this wrong? Right? Well it seemed so perfect at the time. They also offered an opportunity for you to join the LU praise team, which allowed you to lead worship during Convocation (which housed 12+ thousand students), and they traveled all over the world. This was seriously a dream come true. I of course would have to audition for this and so I began preparing months in advance. I would have roughly three minutes to somehow allow the “judges” to not only hear my vocal ability but for them to also really see my heart/passion for the Lord. After months of preparation the time had come for me to head back to LU and audition. My nerves were high, but I also had the sweetest peace that I know only came from the Lord, and I just knew that this was exactly what I was supposed to be doing. As I walked into my audition and saw the faces of the “judges” I still felt a great calmness in the midst of my nervousness. I completed the audition and it went incredibly well. The team of judges were so kind, so encouraging, and made me feel like the Lord’s plan was really lining up. I had to wait several weeks to hear from them to know whether or not I made it onto the praise team. I remember that I really didn’t dwell on it much as I felt like the Lord was just taking care of it and that it would all work out. The day came for me to receive my letter in the mail and my family and I were so excited. I sat down on the couch in our living room to open it, as I began to read the letter my heart literally sank, tears began to roll, and I felt so confused. I had NOT been chosen to join the LU praise team. “BUT GOD...You seemed to have made such a perfect path? You worked so many things out? You placed this call on my life..for what? This?” These are just a few of the questions that ran through my mind and I was really upset. My family was so supportive and reminded me that God’s plan was far better than our own and that if I would keep trusting Him, He would lead me exactly where I needed to go. Of course at the time that sounded nice, but It didn’t change how upset and confused I was. Those words definitely stuck with me though.
Even though I did not make it on the praise team, I was still accepted into the worship program and headed to start there that August. Many things occurred, including change of majors and a whole lot in between, but that story is for another time. Here is my point in telling you the above story...I could not see past what I had planned in my own heart. I could not see what my future held or how things would pan out. I was so distracted by my own plan that I almost missed God’s.
“A man’s steps are from the Lord; how then can man understand his way?” (Proverbs 20:24 ESV)
This verse is a great reminder of why we HAVE TO TRUST the Lord. Sometimes, we will not be able to understand until years later or maybe never. In my case, it was a couple years later that I was able to look back over the course of the previous years and THANK God for not allowing my plan to ever come to fruition. It was also a reminder that even though things we sometimes believe are from the Lord, are REALLY GOOD things, it does not justify that they are from Him. They could be things that He would absolutely be honored by, BUT if they are not a part of His plan for YOU, then they are NOT the things you need to be doing...even if they are good. Just because something is good does NOT make it God’s stamp of approval, which is sometimes a tough lesson to learn. You see, God still opened doors for me to be a worship leader, just in a totally different way. He also taught me things about Worship that I am not sure I could have learned in a formal setting.
I also now have this beautiful family of five that is a treasure I could have never fathomed at the time. Tyler was my high school sweetheart and because of these “change of plans” he became my husband less than two years after all of this, which would have never happened if I would have been traveling. Our three beautiful kids would not have happened in God’s timing if MY plan would have worked out. I could go on and on about the many things that have occurred over the last decade of my life that continually direct me back to JESUS and how much greater His plan for my life was and is. Psalm 32:8 says, “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.” He truly is with you every step of the way. He is NOT surprised when you veer off His path, but His kindness will lead you to repentance (Romans 4:2) and get you right back on track with Him.
I know how easy it is to get excited about a plan that you totally believe is from Him, and I also know the great disappointment that comes when it does not work out. I have learned over these years that when that happens I must change my perspective! I now do not see it as disappointment, I see it as provision. Many times the things that do not work out in our life are truly God’s provision over our life, and for that we should all be thankful! That thought leads my mind to the song by Maverick City called “Jireh”, which is one of my favorite worship songs! Part of the bridge says “If He dresses the lilies with beauty and splendor, how much more will He clothe you?” (Matthew 6:28-30) God has His hand on you, you only need to be still, to listen, and to walk with Him daily. This ultimately means that you better be digging in your Bible, praying fervently, and finding quiet time, without any distractions, so that you can clearly hear from Him. God’s plan for you may not look anything like you ever thought, but it is truly far better than anything you could dream up yourself.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV
Thank you for reading, I hope your heart is encouraged! I pray that Jireh, our provider, will always be at the forefront of your life. There truly is nothing more precious than the relationship we have with Jesus! He has proven over and over again that He will take care of us....we just have to trust Him!
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