Friendship is important to The Lord. How do I know this? The first friendship recorded in history is the ultimate friendship. The trinity.
Genesis 1:26 (NIV): “Then God said, ‘Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals,[a] and over all the creatures that move along the ground.’”
Early on in my adult life I had a strong desire for true authentic friendship. I desired to find people that I could do life with, but as a young wife and mother my desire for friendship and the effort it took was often replaced with early morning feedings, soccer practices, cheer practices, dinner, and all the demands of motherhood and being a working wife/mom. The Lord has always been sweet to me because I share an incredible bond with my twin sister, Denise, even though we live five hours away from each other. She truly is and has always been my best friend. Denise and I talk at least twice every day! I always thought that maybe the reason I longed for friendship from others was because I missed her physical presence but I have come to realize that is not the only reason.
A few years ago I began a search to find out who I was in the Lord’s eyes and why I was created through a process called Wellspring. Not only did I find some of the answers about myself, I also discovered true authentic friendships and how I can cultivate that within my own domain and live authentically with others while at the same time playing the part in my story the Lord has called me to play.
When looking to understand what friendship is and how to be a true friend we have the ultimate example with Jesus. Throughout His time on earth in human form, He showed us how to be a friend. I believe that if we follow His four examples, we too can have authentic Christ-centered friendships the way Jesus wants us to live.
The first step to having this kind of friendship is you have the willingness to be vulnerable. Matthew 22:39 says to love your neighbor as yourself. To love someone as yourself, to me, means you are open and honest and willing to take a chance on them. You open your heart to loving them knowing that you could be hurt. You are vulnerable. A good question to ask yourself is have I truly let my heart be vulnerable to my friends? The people I do life with.
The second step is to be available for your friends. Jesus’ life was filled with interruptions and He gladly laid aside His wants for His friends’ needs. Personally, I struggle with my plans or vision being changed as I would think most people do. The world is preaching to us that we need to do what makes us happy and feels good. However, that is NOT what Jesus set as the example. When reading the Bible, I am blown away by how often Jesus was interrupted. In Matthew 9, Jesus was leaving Jericho and He was interrupted by Bartimaeus wanting to be healed and what did Jesus do? He stopped what He was doing and He healed him. HE STOPPED! In Matthew 8, Jesus was coming down from the mountain when a man stopped Him who had leprosy. What did Jesus do? He reached out and touched him and said “I am willing.” HE WAS WILLING! Later in Matthew 8, Jesus was entering Capernaum and a centurion came up to Him and asked Him for help for his friend. Jesus replied,“Shall I come and heal him?” He was willing to go, the centurion didn’t even have to ask him. HE OFFERED! These are just a few of the interruptions that Jesus had. Can I take Jesus’ lead and really be ok when my plans get derailed by a friend’s need?
The third example is to be an active participant and encourager. Proverbs 19:20 (NIV) states, “Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise.” Listening requires participation as does accepting the advice given. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NIV) says, “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” During some of the darkest times in my life, I have had encouragement spoken to me and it changed my heart. Speaking truth into your friends life, even when life is hard is what we are called to do.
The fourth example, which for me is the hardest example to follow, is to be forgiving. The forgiveness I am talking about is surface level. The kind of forgiveness where you say you are “fine” but you are deeply hurt and can’t go back to how it was before the hurt. During my journey through the process of Wellspring, it became apparent that my go-to sayings were “I’m fine”, “It’s fine” when it really wasn’t. I shed a lot of tears and spent lots of time praying and seeking God for Him to finally get it through to me that by me putting up the “fine shield” was not truly forgiving and because of that I was not a true friend. Forgiveness is hard, but it is so worth it because in the end, everyone benefits from forgiving each other. Matthew 5:7 (NIV) states, “Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.”
Living in a true, authentic community with others is a desire that I have and I know others do too. If we can take these 4 standards of friendship that Jesus shows us, we too can live life with others in a way that fosters love, kindness, integrity, forgiveness, and trust. Will it be hard at times? Most definitely but I know that my GOD will help guide me through the process. Are you willing to live in friendship this way? Authentically and totally invested in your people? I pray you find the people you want to do life with and who believe and love the Lord more than anything else.
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