“For years I cared about the outside Kate…
My divorce and single mom life forced me to focus on the inside Kate!”
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
16 – "Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. 17 – For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison. 18 – while we look not at the things which are seen but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal" (NASB).
I worked hard to keep life picture perfect. It was more than the average matching clothes for the kids and the occasional beach picture in white and khaki. I seriously worried what others would say if they knew the real me, the real Kate. So, I continued presenting the world with a picture-perfect version of happiness, hiding all the scars of a not-so-perfect life.
Years of therapy and my own insights have allowed me to realize how perfectionism, especially a concentration on the outward appearance, is a protective mechanism for those who have experienced abuse and trauma. We work hard to controlthe outer man's appearance. I carried those protective behaviorsfrom my first marriage and divorce into my single mom years. Self-care, as care for my body and mind, became the weekly band-aid I used to cover the scars and hide my anxious fears.
Did it work? It sure did. Did it help with my healing? Not so much. Band-aids serve a purpose until the scar needs air, Vitamin D through sunlight, and time. I needed those things as well!
One of my self-care/band-aid rituals became the consumption of coffee strolling alone through Target, sitting on a quiet park bench, or sitting in my car staring blankly at the lake. I consumed so much coffee during those first years as a single mom to five kids! But something was missing. Self-care was wonderful and perfect at that moment. However, the caffeinated serotonin feelings lasted only for so long. As Paul explained in 2 Corinthians, the outer Kate continued decaying while the inner Kate struggled for renewal.
On one of my many caffeinated self-care trips, I realized that it is not the cup that makes a coffee cup - a coffee cup; the secret is the coffee. Coffee cups come in various sizes and styles, some with green lady logos and others with orange and pink letters. You probably have a cupboard cabinet filled with logo-branded coffee cups. We wash the cups with dawn dish soap or dishwasher detergent to prepare them for use. This washing is comparable to self-care. Self-care can train your mind and care for your body. Yet, what is poured into the cleaned vesselqualifies it as a coffee cup. The rich, dark, aromatic, bean-brewed juice poured into a ceramic or Styrofoam container turns a vessel into a coffee cup.
We are vessels for God's work and purpose (2 Timothy 2:20-21; 2 Corinthians 4:7, 1 Corinthians 6:19-20). This is how 2 Timothy 2:20-21 reads in the Message, "In a well-furnished kitchen there are not only crystal goblets and silver platters, but waste cans and compost buckets – some containers used to serve fine meals, others to take out the garbage. Become the kind of container God can use to present any and every kind of gift to His guests for their blessing" (Message).
You are His container! What’s inside of you qualifies and sanctifies you for His work. What was I pouring into myself? How was I feeding my soul? More importantly, what was spilling out of my container and soul onto others?
Searching for these answers has led me to a seven-year study of soul care. I have read, studied, contemplated, and prayed for discernment about all things soul care. My focus has shiftedfrom the things which are seen to the unseen things (2 Corinthians 4:18).
What is soul care? A simple Google search defines soul care as"the daily process of cultivating healthy thought patterns and taking inventory of emotions so that you can walk in obedience and live freely before God while also healthily forming meaningful relationships with other people." Google’s wonderful definition of soul care reflects the verses in 2 Corinthians. Soul care is healthy thoughts, appropriate emotions, walking in obedience with God, and meaningful relationships. Why had no one explained the importance of soul care to me?
I think the confusion over soul care/self-care can be traced back to the origins of the word soul. The Greek word for soul ispsyche or psychi, which translates into our expression for psychic. Yes, most Christians run from that word. The Hebrew word is Nephesh which translates to the throat or whole body. Psalm119:175 "Let my soul (nephesh) live that it may praise You, and let Your ordinances help me" (NASB). Right, no confusion there either!
Then counselors talk about spirit, soul, body, or sometimesbody, soul, and mind. Some explain that the soul is a person's mind, emotions, and will. While others say the soul is the invisible part of us that lives for all of eternity. Right, still no confusion there either!
I decided self-care and soul care would combine 'body, mind, spirit, heart, and personality.' I believe the soul encompasses your spirit, heart, and personality. Spirit is the part that lives through all eternity. The heart is the part that represents our relationships, and the bonds passed down from generation to generation. Personality is the part that gives us unique abilities, strengths, and weaknesses. Your soul is your spirit, heart, and personality!
All three parts (spirit, heart, and personality) are invisibly wrapped up inside us - our soul - our entire being - our Nephesh. If we limit the word 'soul' to only include the part that lives for eternity, we miss out on the personality that God uniquely created. And if we limit the word 'soul' to only include spirit and personality, we miss out on the heart or relationship bonds that are passed down to us. Your soul will live forever, reflectyour heritage, and is uniquely created and gifted.
Remember my example of the band-aid? When I started embracing soul care, my scars started to heal from the insideout! I began "being renewed day by day" by focusing on things that are eternal with a "weight of glory" (2 Corinthians 4). My scars needed air through the working of the Holy Spirit, vitamin D sunlight through the love and hope of my relationships, and time to discover my true calling. The care of both your outside self with self-care and inside self with soul care is required for us to be earthen vessels that God can use (2 Corinthians 4:7). So, join me as I clean my coffee cup daily and fill it to the brim with rich, aromatic bean juice!
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