“You’re not enough, and that’s how God likes it.”
Recently, God has been showing me, in the most kind and tender way like He so often does, that I am not enough. Which sounds a little harsh I will admit, but it was exactly what I needed to hear after carrying the weight of trying to be enough. I can’t count the times that I have l sat down at the end of the day exhausted by all my efforts to be “good” and do enough and still felt utterly defeated. I have realized that I have spent more time working effortlessly to please God with my ability to follow His rules in a genuine attempt to honor God than I have accepting his grace and trusting him. I thought I could impress God with my good deeds, doing it all on my own. As if somehow I could surprise the very being that created me and knows my every thought. Like maybe he is sitting up there, nudging Gabriel saying, “Woah! Gabriel, did you just see Grayson do that!? I had no idea she was capable of that!” HAHA, but in all seriousness, I recognized that I had a deep longing to please my Lord, I was just going about it all the wrong way.
I recently listened to a sermon by Christine Caine. She brought to my attention that there are only two instances in the Bible where Jesus was amazed. One instance was when the centurion, an officer in the Roman military, had enough faith to seek Jesus out and believed that all it would take for his servant to be healed was for Jesus to speak. This was Jesus’ response:
When Jesus heard this, he was amazed at him, and turning to the crowd following him, he said, “I tell you, I have not found such great faith even in Israel.” Luke 7:9 NIV
Jesus was amazed by the man's faith. The other instance was in his hometown, among his family and friends. Jesus was teaching in the synagogue and the people were in disbelief for they had seen him as just a child and now he was a man who claimed to perform miracles. Jesus responded to their questioning saying,
“A prophet is not without honor except in his own town, among his relatives and in his own home.” He could not do any miracles there, except lay his hands on a few sick people and heal them. He was amazed at their lack of faith. Mark 6:4-6 NIV
He was amazed at their lack of faith. That's it. Those are the only times throughout the entire Bible where it mentions Jesus being amazed, and it all revolves around OUR FAITH. Christine Caine pointed out that so often we try to impress God with our good deeds when we should be trying to amaze him with our faith. I realized that I had been living my life in my own strength for far too long.
Somehow, I got the misconception that God wanted me to be independent. Kind of like how parents raise you to be capable of surviving on your own. I wanted to prove to God that I was serious, and show him how hard I was trying to be “good.” What I didn’t know was I wasn’t pleasing God with my independence, but rather rejecting the grace he so mercifully offered me every day. I have slowly come to realize that my feeble attempt to serve God in my own strength was not only exhausting but inefficient. God has crafted a beautiful design for our relationship with Him, and it looks like complete dependence on Him. My total reliance on him is what is pleasing to him. He loves the closeness that we share and it is so much easier to lean into him than carry it on my own. I don’t think I truly ever understood the meaning behind Matthew 11:28-30 until recently.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Jesus is explaining that life with him doesn’t have to be failed attempt after failed attempt. With his strength, we are able to live our lives to their full capacity being effective for the kingdom.
A few weeks ago, I was in Peru serving on a missions team with my church. We were ministering to pastors and their families from all over, and I had the honor of working with some of the high school and college girls. I had one girl come up to me after a discussion and pull me aside. She wept as she explained to me that she was consumed with the guilt of not doing enough for God. She continued to tell me how she felt she wasn’t good enough. I just stood there as she spoke, in awe of how God was almost holding a mirror up in front of me to reveal the same brokenness inside of me. As I responded, it was as if God was speaking to both of us for the first time. I said tenderly, you will never do enough. You will never be enough, not on your own. Through Christ all things are made whole. God is extending his grace, offering to help us because he knows that we can’t do it on our own. If we could have done it on our own, He never would have sent Jesus, allowed Him to die on a cross, bear all of our sin, shower us in His mercy and grace, resurrect Him from the grave, and gift us with an eternal helper, the Holy Spirit. It's okay to let go of the burden of trying to do it all and to lean into the strength of the Lord. We are so much more effective when we have faith to give him full control.
Let’s have faith that amazes God.
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