When Anna asked me if I wanted to write for the AND Blog, I said “Sure! I would love to!”...then I quickly realized I am a talker, not a writer! Uh Oh! I have never written for a blog before. This has been way harder than I thought it would be. To be completely honest, I have written this blog four different times! Bless my heart, right? But thankfully the Lord has been so kind to tell me each time I have sat down to start over,
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
2 Corinthians 12:9 (ESV).
Even though I may not be a gifted writer, I cling to God’s promise that He is working in and through me despite my weaknesses or insecurities. So, Let’s do this! The best way I know to share what I have learned, and what I am still learning, is to share some of my testimony with you.
“Your testimonies are my delight; they are my counselors.” Psalms 119:24 (ESV)
I have found that for me one of the most powerful and effective ways to tell others about Jesus is by telling them how Jesus has worked in my life, so I will start there. My name is Laura Barrineau. I have been married to my husband, Chris, for almost 23 years. We have 4 amazing kids: Blake, Faith, Libby, and Caleb. We live in the small but awesome town of Fountain Inn, SC. I graduated from Clemson in 1997, and I am a Registered Nurse. Chris graduated from Clemson in 1998 with a PRTM degree (which stands for Parks, Recreation, and Tourist Management…not Party Right Through May, like many believe) and he is now the Executive Pastor at our church. The Lord has blessed our life in many unexpected ways. The first way is how we met.
Chris and I first met while riding on a bus back to Clemson from a FCA winter retreat. I was a sophomore and Chris was a freshman at the time. To give you a little back story, I had a hard transition to college. I did not get involved in anything my freshman year. I went to class during the week and I went home on the weekends. (What was I thinking? I was missing all the fun!) I dated the same guy from my sophomore year of high school until my sophomore year of college. I am by nature an outgoing person, but for some reason I just didn’t know where to start or what to do at Clemson. I decided the summer before my sophomore year that I was going to “put myself out there” and try to get involved in more things. I decided to join a sorority, and I started going to FCA on Thursday nights. I even signed up to go on a FCA retreat. Now I will get back to my story of when I first met Chris. My roommate Kim and I did not know many people so we were sitting together on the bus talking, when all the sudden this guy (Chris) just pulls up a cooler in the middle aisle of the bus, sits on it, and asks us why he had never met us before? (What a pick up line!) Chris introduced us to all his friends. We all became fast friends, and as Chris likes to tell everyone, I dated most of his friends before we ever actually started dating.
Everything changed for me my sophomore year. Chris laughs and says it is because I met him, and while that was true, the real reason my life changed was because that was the year I truly met Jesus! You see, I had BELIEVED in Jesus my whole life, but it was during this season of my life that I realized I did not KNOW Jesus. I want to share with you five of the things that God taught me during this very transformational season in my life. The cool thing is, I am always learning and growing in my relationship with Jesus, so I am still learning these same things in new ways 28 years later!
1. God cares more about us knowing our purpose than He does about us having a plan.
I will never forget the moment the Lord revealed this to me on that FCA retreat. The first thing we were told to do once we got to the retreat center was to go off by ourselves and have a quiet time with the Lord. I went to a bench and sat down with my Bible and the new journal I bought. I was expecting them to give us verses to read during our quiet time, but they didn’t. I had never read my Bible without a study plan or a devotional guide. So there I sat, just me and my Bible, and once again, I had no clue where to start or really what to do. I was already a little nervous, so this was an intimidating start...But God! He was so kind to meet me right where I was at that moment! I thought, here goes nothing, and I randomly opened up my Bible and read the first verse I saw on the page. The verse I read was:
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6. (NIV)
In that moment I felt God reveal himself to me. It’s like I literally felt Jesus moving from my head into my heart. I know it sounds dramatic, but after a year and a half of feeling lost and uncertain about everything, these verses were life changing for me. God spoke to me. I realized He simply wanted me to trust and submit my life to Him, even when I did not know or understand “the path”, the timing, or the plan He may have for me in the future. For the first time in my life, I felt like I knew my true purpose. It wasn’t to just be a “good christain girl” that made good grades, followed all the rules, succeeded at everything she did and loved college life. It was to obediently pursue the Lord with my whole heart, bring Him glory, and trust in His plan for my life…even if I didn’t understand it.
I wish I could say I completely submitted my life and my plans to the Lord from that day on, but if I did, I would be lying. It is still a DAILY decision I have to make to trust the Lord and his ways. I will say the older I have gotten, the easier it has been to Trust God, because in my 47 years of life, not once has He shown himself to be anything but trustworthy!
2. Discipline leads to desire.
My sophomore year, I grew SO much in my identity in Christ and in my “new” more personal relationship with Him. After the retreat, I was so excited to spend time in God’s Word and grow in my faith. But it didn’t take long for the daily grind and distractions to kick back in. Before I knew it I found myself going days without having a quiet time and my desire for God started to wane. God showed up again in an unexpected way when I met Donna. Donna was two years older than me, a nursing major, and she was in my sorority. Donna asked me if I would like to start meeting with her weekly as a way to have accountability and discipleship in my life. Donna taught me about the importance of practicing spiritual disciplines such as daily prayer, Bible study, journaling, and fellowship to just name a few. She would ask me each week what I was learning in God’s Word, what I was struggling with, and we would pray together. I had never had anyone “invest” in me and hold me accountable like that before. Donna taught me the joy of discipline.
“But God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”
Hebrews 12:10-12 (ESV)
I know discipline does not sound fun, but God’s discipline (and our own self discipline) comes from a place of love, and it is necessary for us to build our spiritual muscles! This kind of healthy spiritual discipline will grow our desire for God, increase our ability to withstand temptation and sinful desires, and empower us to “yield the peaceful fruit of righteousness”.
3. Feelings are real but not reliable.
My precious friend and neighbor, Katee, shared this quote with me, and boy is it ever true! Katee, along with Riley and Nicolette, are three precious friends of mine in their 20’s, that I have the joy and privilege to meet with weekly. Every Sunday night we study God’s word, recite memorized scripture, and pray for one another. The example of intentional discipleship that Donna modeled for me many years ago is something I still seek and absolutely love to do today. We are doing a Lysa Terkeusrt study together now, and in it Lysa writes, “God wants us to stand on the absolute truth that He is with us no matter how our feelings may betray that reality. When I process life through my feelings, I am left deceived and disillusioned. When I process life through God’s truth. I am divinely comforted by His love and made confident in His calling on my life.”
As women, we are so emotional. Oftentimes our relationships with God and others are based on our feelings. And while God created us to have emotions and feelings, the enemy and our flesh love to take every opportunity to use those negative feelings or emotions against us. I know that is why I felt so lost, confused, and disillusioned my first year of college. The world is constantly telling us we deserve to be happy, so do whatever makes you happy or whatever makes you feel good about yourself, no matter who it affects or how much it costs. We can’t let our feelings allow us to “buy into the lie” that the world is trying to sell.
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is- his good pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2 (NIV)
That is why practicing spiritual disciplines is so important, because there are many days when I just want to be selfish and lazy. I don’t feel like reading my Bible, or calling that friend, or serving my family. When we are led by our feelings, we are not relying on the Holy Spirit living in us! The Holy Spirit empowers us to draw closer to God, to love one another unconditionally, and to serve one another sacrificially. We have to acknowledge our feelings, but we don’t need to just stay in a place of feeling things without seeking what God has to say about those things. David was a great example in that he took all his feelings to God. We see this as we read through the Psalms. He took ALL his anger, despair, frustration to God. He knew his God could take it and help him deal with it. And God did. He will do the same for us.
4. God often forgives me before I forgive myself.
I know that Jesus died for my sins, and that if I truly repent I am forgiven. I have always believed that, but I realize now that I don’t think I always received that. Satan has certain “bait” for all of us. He knows the “best bait” he can use on me is guilt. By the time I was a junior, I was loving my Clemson life. I was involved in so many different things! I was surrounded by the most amazing group of Christian friends. I had ended my unhealthy relationship with my high school boyfriend the previous year, and I was now dating one of Chris’s roommates.;) Things were going great, and yet I was still feeling guilt ridden and ashamed of all the mistakes I had made in my past. I just couldn‘t seem to forgive myself, even though I knew the Lord had. I seem to have a default setting that chooses guilt and shame over God’s grace and goodness. I am working on turning that default setting off in my life. Jesus didn’t die a horrific death on the cross for me to say, “Nah, I am not worth that.”
“Joyfully give thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.”
Colossians 1:12-14 (NIV)
Guilt and shame cause us to remain slaves to the darkness, but God calls us heirs to His Kingdom of Light! He has rescued His children from sin and bondage and given us freedom in Christ, so that our new default setting will be joy and thanksgiving!
5. Life is not about balance, but rather it should be about priorities.
As a busy woman, wife, mother, daughter, and friend, I have always tried to keep my life balanced…and I have always failed. I know when I was in college, I tried to make sure I spent time with God, spent time with friends, completed all my school assignments, served in my leadership roles, exercised, etc… Honestly, I did pretty good for a while, until I started all of my early morning clinicals. I tried to stay up late and get up early, but those that know me, know I need my sleep! I quickly learned that I just could not do it all. I learned that I had to start prioritizing my life and days rather than trying to give everything the same amount of time and effort day after day. I had to start saying “no” to things. I had to miss out on some fun things. I had to be a good steward of my time and make myself available to God first and foremost.
I am still learning this skill. Right when I think I have got it figured out, life changes and I start all over again. Jesus shows us throughout scripture the importance of prioritizing. He didn’t do it all. And He was the Son of God...He could have done it all! Thankfully, He knew we needed help so He gave us the Holy Spirit that leads us and guides us. God should always be our first priority. Jesus set that example by always going off to pray to His Father before doing anything else. When asked what the greatest commandment was Jesus responded,
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind…and Love your neighbor as yourself.” Matthew 22:37-39 (NIV)
God calls us to love and serve others, which sounds so “lovely”, but in reality it is SO hard and usually very inconvenient. Because we live in a broken and hurting world that so desperately needs the love and mercy of Christ, we have to be ready to respond at any given time. A truly surrendered life to Christ is not balanced, neat, and comfortable. Rather it is ever changing, messy, and sacrificial. It must be Spirit led and Spirit filled.
To finish up my story, after Chris and I met we were really close friends. Then the month before I graduated, I asked him to go to my last sorority formal with me. Apparently his dance moves were pretty good, because he has had my heart ever since. Honestly, I think we both would have laughed if someone told us when we first met that we would eventually get married. But in God’s plan, He knew our purpose in His Kingdom could be better fulfilled together!
We have been on quite an adventure ever since. Thirteen years ago God called us to help plant a church in Fountain Inn that we absolutely love to serve. Eleven years ago God chose us to be the adoptive parents of a precious baby boy with Down Syndrome that, as Chris likes to say, was “made in China but born in the USA”. We now consider Caleb’s biological family that lives in Shanghai, China our extended family. And presently, we are in the process of getting licensed to become foster parents. I promise you, when I was at Clemson, I never imagined myself as a church planter, special needs parent, foster parent, and certainly not someone that would write a blog post!
“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
Isaiah 55:9 (NIV)
God in the Old Testament is the same God in the New Testament and is the same God today. He never changes, but He also never stops teaching us about Himself and His will in NEW ways! I pray you are encouraged and challenged by the things that I have shared in this post. Thankfully, God is patient with us. Even though I started learning these things in college, God has been faithful to continue to teach them to me in new ways and from different perspectives in each new season of my life. He will do the same for you, if you simply seek Him.
“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matthew 6:33 (NIV)
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