Do me a favor. Open up your Insta profile, and take a look at your bio. What does it say? Are there bullets? Song Lyrics? How do YOU describe yourself?
So many times we describe ourselves by our “assignments”. Even I am guilty of describing myself, depending on the situation, as Arrow’s mom, Andy’s wife, a 6th grade math teacher, a small group leader at my church, a friend, daughter, and the list could go on forever! But who am I really when all of that gets stripped away? My identity can never solely rely on these "assignments," because those assignments are not prepared to take on the full weight of who God created me to be.
Genesis 1:27 ~ “So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.”(NIV)
Genesis tells us we were created in the image of God. When He created us, He created us in His perfect image. This means we need NO TITLE attached to our name, to be God’s child and who He says we are. Just our existence is enough to be called worthy, royal, and set aside. Let that sink in. You can have bad days in any of your assignments, and this identity NEVER GOES AWAY, because it is so much deeper than any role we could put on.
1 Peter 2:9 ~ “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.“(NIV)
1 Peter tells us that we are his chosen people. We are his special possession, and we are now a royal priesthood. People who are royalty are set aside from the rest of society, because they are seen as precious, and valued to the point of being protected by guards. How could this be about me?
My identity has always been an area where I have lacked confidence, but it became the most overwhelming and evident when I went to college. I remember moving into my dorm room and being so excited to have my own space, complete with leopard print bedding! (Trust me, it was the in thing back then.) I had spent all summer preparing everything and saving up money, but the one area I didn’t prepare was my heart. I wasn’t prepared to have my own REAL relationship with Jesus without my parents’ shelter. I wasn’t prepared to have my own identity outside the limits of my home.
Because I had never had to define who I was, I wasn’t ready to have my identity questioned. I didn’t know the difference between who I was and who I wasn’t. And when we don’t know, or believe the identity that God has given us, we start searching in the world for any identity that we can find that feels good - and nothing is off limits.
My first Identity when I got to college was as a sorority girl. At the beginning of my freshman year, I went through the process of rush and got into Greek life. The sorority I was in was known for their rambunctious members and we definitely lived up to the rumors. Being in a sorority was probably the best thing that could have happened to me in my journey to finding friends and having a social life, but it was the worst thing that could have happened to me in helping me gain confidence and build my life on my identity in Christ. While a sorority is a way for you to have built-in friends and a good way to get involved on campus, it also is a great way to have an immediate relationship with alcohol, a party lifestyle and everything that comes with that. As a new member I was expected to attend almost every event - even if that meant it started at 10PM on a school night and I had a test the next day. Because of this, my relationship with alcohol completely changed. I quickly escalated from just attending the sorority events, and going out on the weekends, to knowing which bars had specials on each night of the week. Monday was mug night, Tuesday was 2 dollar sushi and drinks, Wednesday was ladies night, Thursday was thirsty Thursday, Friday was country night, and Saturday night was just Saturday night in a college town. I had formed a life for myself that revolved around drinking and partying because I didn’t know who I wasn’t. My identity became someone who loved to get drunk and being the life of the party, because people liked me when I was, and when you don’t know who you truly are, others’ opinions become the mold for your identity.
Another identity I placed my worth in was being a girlfriend. I only had a few boyfriends in college, but when I did date someone, that became who I was. I was their girlfriend. I would lose everything that made me, me. I would slowly become someone that I thought they wanted me to be, and that meant changing myself to look how they wanted me to look, and act how they wanted me to act. But part of not knowing who I was in Christ’s eyes, also meant I didn’t know who I wasn’t. So I had no boundaries when it came to getting physical with my boyfriends, because I didn’t have that confidence to say “I don’t have to do this to still be loved.” I didn’t know how valuable I was in the Lord’s eyes, or didn’t believe it, so my only value came from the men around me. Which is why it was so earth shattering when we would break up, because my worth and my identity was tied to them. I would reinvent myself again over and over after every relationship, and let me tell you, that was tiring, and only drove me further and further from God.
BUT GOD.
Romans 8:28~ “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (NIV)
This verse from Romans reminds me just how sweet God really is to us. While I was living away from Him, trying to find myself and figure out who I was, He was right there beside me. Isn’t that crazy?! He never left me, and was ready to welcome me back when I FINALLY decided that He may know a thing or two about who I really am. He not only walked with me through my searching, but was there waiting for me when I returned home to Him. And the most awesome part is, He still is showing me daily how He is using what I like to refer to as my “crazy phase” for His good and to further His kingdom. One of the biggest ways that I see this is with my amazing husband, Andy. When we met, we both were at a point where we were done dating. We both were tired of doing normal, date for a few months or years and then break up when the other person finds out something they don’t necessarily like. So we decided to mix it up. On our first date we tried to think of all the things about ourselves that could turn the person off from ourselves. We literally dumped out all of our “scaries” from our past to each other, and while I thought that I would never get a second date, we’re now married! The truth is, my story and craziness actually drew him closer because he had finally found someone that had lived a similar life to his and had similar scars, to be able to relate to. Once again, that’s just the goodness of God. He works ALL things for good. If I wouldn’t have had those days back in college, I wouldn’t be able to love my husband in the way that he needs me to, and vice versa. He loves me in ways that I never knew I needed, but is only able to do so because he understands where I was, and where I am now.
I would be lying if I said I don’t still struggle with identity issues. I still catch myself trying to find my worth in how successful I am as a wife, a mom, and a teacher. But the difference now is that when I fail, or mess up it doesn’t have to crush me or cause me to go searching for the “new me”. I finally truly understand the meaning of new mercies every morning. God literally says “it’s okay to mess up today because you get to restart tomorrow, and you are still my child and still crowned as royalty just by existing and having a relationship with me." If I could have understood this as a college student, I believe my whole experience would have been different. I see young ladies starting college, or as young professionals in the workforce searching for answers. The biggest piece of advice I could give them is to dig into their Bible and find out who God says they are, first hand. Everyone in your life can tell you just how valuable you are, but until you read it and hear it directly from the Lord, you won’t believe it. Once you know who He says you are, then you don’t have to worry about who the world wants to label you as. You also then have a backbone when it comes to who you aren’t. I would also tell you to learn to lean on God’s truth ONLY. I hear young people often use the term “my truth” and it really bothers me because “your truth” can be whatever you want it to be based on the season of life you’re in. But God’s Truth passes the test of time.
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